"Do You Love Me?"

I love how we have landmark events scattered along the year’s pathway.  A few weeks ago it was Valentine’s day, a day supposed to bring to our remembrance the concept of love. People ran to the stores to purchase cards, flowers, or a gift, to express love to someone in their lives. Just in case you forgot, the media did not let up, pushing out adverts by the minute. Great was the commercialization of another sentimental event of the year.  I was appalled when I heard a line from one of the commercials that said  “This Valentine, make sure you get what you want!” I was left to wonder, “Is love truly about getting or about giving?”

These thoughts brought to mind a discussion we had recently at a couples’ meeting. The subject for consideration was; “How do I love my spouse?” The discussion had progressed to the point where we read the injunction to husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Then we  began to consider “How did Christ love the Church?” A brother broke it down in plain English and said “You know you are loving your wife as Christ loved the Church when you are willing to give up one of your kidneys for your wife without stopping to think about it” To the utter amazement of everyone, another brother blurted out “I would willingly give both my kidneys to my wife!” A great hush fell over the room as everyone considered the import of those words. Well, that room must have been full of noble husbands because right after he said that, man after man declared “I will gladly take the bullet for my wife” “I will give my life to save my wife!” I imagine that those wives filled with a renewed sense of worth, secretly prayed against any situation that would test their husband’s love to that measure!

While it is praiseworthy that a man is willing to lay down his life for his wife, let us ask ourselves what little things we may also willingly give up to preserve and protect our cherished ones and  the relationships we hold dear. Little things like our rights, our pride, our time, our friends, or something so little as our money! In the midst of a conflict, you may find out that these seemingly “little things” are magnified in value when you are the one required to give it.

Consider the love story of Jacob and Rachel in the book of Genesis. Jacob had deceitfully obtained the blessing of the firstborn meant for his brother Esau. Out of the fear that Esau might kill him, his mother helped him flee to live with his uncle Laban. Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?” Now Laban had two daughters. The name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.  Leah's eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance.  Jacob loved Rachel. And he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel. “Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me.”  So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.

Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed.” So Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast.  But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her. (Laban gave his female servant Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her servant.)  And in the morning, behold, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?” Laban said, “It is not so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me another seven years.”  Jacob did so, and completed her week. Then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 

 Jacob did a quick assessment of his situation. He ran away from home to flee the wrath of his brother Esau whom he had defrauded of his birthright. He had sowed deceit, he was reaping deceit. Jacob would not even raise his voice with Laban, or make a big case of his deception lest he loses the opportunity of ever marrying Rachael. It dawned on him very quickly that he if he really wanted the love of his life, he would have to work twice as hard! Any man could have given up at that point. However, because of the strength of his love for Rachael, Jacob put in another seven years of service for the woman he really wanted. We may not be able to go into all the cultural details of this account, or the deceit of Laban possibly  in conjunction with his people. What I find interesting is that Jacob put up with all that.  For another seven years. Jacob gave his energy, his time and his life to serve for the woman he loved. He put career dreams on hold, or slowed them down simply because having Rachel was important to  him.

If you are a woman and you are feeling that all you have to do is sit back and be a receiver of love, think about Ruth (Naomi’s daughter in-law) who gave up her gods, her people, and her father’s house to embrace a superior love and commitment. Perhaps you gave up your father’s name, you moved away from home, and you have given up many things since then. Whether you be a man or woman, boy or girl, when you think love, remember that the currency of love is giving. Now imagine a world where we learn to love like God!

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16).